She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
