I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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