I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
