What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize