My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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