pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
