its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
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he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
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Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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