Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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