Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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