My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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