Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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