Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I love you.
Bad choice
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