Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
