Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
