xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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