We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
