Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
