I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
