this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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