I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
