You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
