I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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