even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
