It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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