Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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