1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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