Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
