I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
