Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
