gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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