I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
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There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
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GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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