he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Four minutes until I can fart!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bed is full of blood and feathers
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize