My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
