you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
