Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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