I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We need to rekindle our bromance
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder