I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.