I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.