I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
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I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.