i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.