ooooooooooooo i'm drink
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs