so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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