I think im going to throw up on grandma
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
