I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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