in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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