she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
