so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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