I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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