she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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