Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
