Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
