you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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