What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
