There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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