You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
