Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
