I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
