Will you blow on my dice?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
