I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
