I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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