I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize