even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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