Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
