Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
There r osticjed everywhere
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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