I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
