I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Couch. On fire.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
