Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
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It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
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He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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