I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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