dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I've blown a few things in my day
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
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my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
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He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize