Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
