I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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