And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize