I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
