yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
