I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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